These Are Not The Calves You’re Looking For 

Okay, let me begin by saying this is not Farmer Bright. This is one of the secret agent Udder Side calves on his farm writing this post. And today did not go as planned. 

Does this even look like a movie theater?!?

 Here was the plan:

  • Break the gate or fence
  • Leave the farm
  • Sneak in a theater
  • Steal popcorn
  • Watch Star Wars The Force Awakens

Step two was harder than it looked.


We ran from one end of the farm to the other and back again. It was about as frustrating as your first time playing Mindcraft, if you know what I mean. We didn’t get anywhere. Like, talk about a theater in a galaxy far, far away. That’s how far it must be from here.

By this time good old Farmer Bright and his uncle spotted us and commenced the round up. Yee-haw. Seriously, our Jedi tricks did not work on them.

No popcorn. No Star Wars. Yes, there was some discussion about how fourteen heifers would or wouldn’t be noticed at a Force Awakens premiere. But have you seen the crazy fans and their cosplay outfits that go to these things? Why we would’ve blended right in.

Anyway, there’s always tomorrow, right? And listen, if you see it first no spoilers! Got it? Good.

We’re going to back to grazing. May the force be with you.

-Agent 2405

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