Net Neutrality On A String

Net neutrality was voted down earlier today as predicted. Naysayers are calling it the end, and that big business will nickel and dime us to death for service and content. The FCC says innovation will flourish in all aspects, and yesterday I heard the news that they might be right.

String is the answer. No kidding, and I’m not talking string theory, either. Researchers discovered you could send the internet over a string. I’m pretty sure the backstory was about how little kids talked over a string and tin cans and how one reseacher’s kid needed a science fair project, and voila.

I know, you’re thinking, “how fast can it be? The internet on a string?!?” At 3.5 mps it is a third faster than the DSL available to me. img_7835

And it gets better! You’ve seen how my lowly phone wires are exposed to the weather. When it rains now, we cry because it shorts out the connection, but when the string gets wet it works even better! “Looks like rain, ma! We can watch Netflix in HD!”

design-1String is cheap. Just imagine, you can buy a roll of it, run it down to the street, and if you can tie a knot to the mainline you’ve got internet.

Who needs Net Neutrality when we’ve got string! This is all of the innovation we’ll ever need. Of course,  it’s only been tested to around six feet in length, but that’s plenty long enough, right? Right?

Anyway, sometimes I think the cows are better off when they stay off the internet and social media.


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